goodbye highschool

On May 23, 2024, I graduated high school.

3:16

I don't even think its real. It feels like my life has all amounted up to this moment and now here it is. Was, I should say.

My graduation year, 2024, was the first thing I typed into my chromebook. It was a part of my student ID, it was on my ID card, it was everywhere. It never escaped me. It felt like everything I ever worked towards was for the day I walked across the stage to receive that diploma.

Last year I was in Ivy Chain (basically the top 10% of juniors, which is 40 students, all adorned in white robes, are picked to lead the seniors out during graduation). And I can't explain how insane that feeling was. I probably should've written about it on here but let me tell you that watching the seniors walk out after us, seeing them smile as they reach for diplomas had me feeling soooo weird.

Like that was going to be me in the coming fall. Reality slapped me so hard and I was left stunned. The end of high school was already here before I even had a say about it.

Senior year itself was nothing I could truly expect. It was filled with so much.

1. I travelled out of country for the first time back to my birthplace

2. I made new friends

3. I'm in the yearbook more than two times

4. I wrote my college apps in two days

5. I went to prom

6. I got into the college I never thought I'd get into

7. A boy liked me first

8. I got a cat ^W^

9. I stepped out of my comfort zone a bunch of times

10. I ate a double mcpatty burger thing in Saudi Arabia

I would so love to relive it again. Yes, even the part where I got played because I never felt so happy than when I did when I found out he liked me. Oh also when I opened my college application portal and saw my acceptance (DUDEEE the scream I scrumpt after work was insane).

The days leading up to graduation I was crying so much. I am going to miss my friends and constantly seeing them everyday. I am going to miss stupid conversation at the table. Miss my teachers who helped me. Miss seeing his face through glimpses and stares. Miss buying greasy cookies from the snack cart for 3 quarters. Miss stealing nachos from my best friend.

I am going to miss a lot of things.

I remember asking my cousin once how she felt about graduating. She said she didn't mind and that she wasn't really going to miss anything. And sometimes when I think about it, I'm like waittttt.... did I put too much emphasis?

But it's really different for each person. Not everyone has to like it and nor does everyone has to hate it. But I think most might hate it sooo I'm probably odd man out on this one LOLL

I think for me, this day meant so much because I was scared of losing all my friends. Also because I had worked so hard throughout my whole high school career that this day has so much meaning rather than significance, if that makes sense. It is a reflection of everything I have done to become who I am.

But it's not like I am fully formed out either. I'm pretty sure as soon as I start college, I might go through an identity crisis and maybe then I will find out who I am. But for now, I think I have a solid standing.

I will miss high school. But I know that it isn't the end. That this is only just the beginning.

I think what I am most scared of, is becoming an adult.

When I walked across that stage, everything was a blur -- my friends lined up right behind me screaming cheers, my cap slightly tilting, the pins ready to fall off at any second, the cameras flashing in front of me as my name echoed. I don't remember if I smiled properly, but I do remember gripping onto that diploma (albeit it was empty) like it was proof that I made it. Proof that every tic I had, every late night study sessions, every crashout, and every tear all mattered.

Even though it lasted for a few seconds, it felt like every single version of me, everything I ever was in high school lived in that walk.

High school might be over, but I think it's what makes life more exciting now. I don't have it all figured out yet and that is alright.

Here's to whatever comes next :P